When was the last time you consciously wondered what and how you contribute from your part in the success of your relationship?

Maybe you are catching yourself behaving mechanically, or waiting comfortably for actions and initiations “from the other side”?

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It is commonly accepted that in the beginning of a relationship the enthusiasm and the dreams we make give the tone to emotions and behaviors, in a part when both sides prefer to expose the best parts of their personalities. However, moving deeper on, through the development of the relationship, through the events and the changes life offers, the relationship is going to be tested.

The sunshine of the first carefree months is suddenly replaced by dark clouds, rain and cold. The disagreements and the totally opposing views fire negative emotions, and sadness and disappointment overcome us.

It is like a movie where the prince loses his gallop by falling of his horse, and the princess loses her shine and turns to look like the evil witch.

Are we really willing, have we really decided to consciously and commonly work for the success of our relationship?

The ideal relationship does not exist by itself, it is cultivated and developed through time, with a positive attitude, adaptability and common will.

You deserve to be in a relationship where you broaden your horizons, you improve your weaknesses, and you are actively encouraging your partner, by your own personal example, to do the same. However, how can we consciously work for this and what tools can we use?

The most significant thing is to actively and productively listen to our partner and read through the lines their deeper needs and with them, their deeper concern and wish for the success of our relationship.

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Like John Gray mentions in his book Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice, “being equal does not necessarily mean that men and women need to be the same or that they should turn to be the same”.

So, let’s talk with honesty, respect and decisiveness about whatever disagreements or different viewpoints can cause us painful emotions, before these emotions get the chance to “scratch” our relationship.

Action-taking is the best thing to do.

Let’s accept that we have a different nature from our partner, turning it into an advantage of composing and cultivating our relationship. And because action is the best thing to happen, I recommend you to take the following action:

Write down your partner’s best 5 personality traits and ask your partner to do the same. Then, you can discuss creatively upon them.

In this way you are going to discover that these productive charismas you hold are actually the strongest foundations of your relationship; something like “love lighthouses”, which shed light on your common development through your relation’s course.

Article written by Nikolas Ouranos (translation from Greek: Anastasia Karouti)

*Nikolas Ouranos is a relationship expert, author, speaker and social entrepreneur.